this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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