I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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