Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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Houston, we have a blender
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize