so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
