too bad you live with your parents still
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
