You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You made out with two different species that night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
