Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're too hungover to prance.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
