the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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