You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
