when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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