6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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