its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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