we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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