He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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