Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
