"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
