i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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