She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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