go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
