I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
