last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
