do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is Oprah even human
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
