Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
