hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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