All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
