What a fucking waste of an outfit
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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