If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
