My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
