My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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