matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
