My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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