Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
