It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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