literally had 100 drinks last night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
