I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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