Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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