I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
