I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am one with the molecules
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
