Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
someone owes me an orgasm
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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