FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
