i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
