There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
