dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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