I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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