connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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