Ambien. No doubt about it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
