last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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