I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?