guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
