I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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