And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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