I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
