Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
