So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize