after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
