just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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