they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
