Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
