im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
