Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize