she was so not down for the gang bang
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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