some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
