i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
