dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
