A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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